That incident with my roommate (read through the previous post) awoke me to my sarcastic inclinations. The rest of my course (Arts - and read the last post will you? I cant keep spoon feeding you) went by in a blur. Not all of it was a drunken blur - though there was that. A bit hazy, but that could be because of all the smoking. But mostly because of my indulging in the routine. And yes it was occasionally topped by moronic ventures that met my sarcastic interruptions. But morons are morons - their stupidity stops bothering you after a while. So much so it graduates to a matter of laughs than of irritation.
As for my roommate (pay attention, for this is new information - the kind that makes you go really?) - fatherhood taught him a lesson. Even though the child wasn't his, nor did the girl he slept with stick around, guess things were put into perspective for him. He got himself neutered ( snipped would be a better word for the dog that he was...) and got a job as a bartender. Good enough, I say! At least he is doing something I approve of - staying out of my way!
I finished my course. What did it teach me? Nothing I didn't already know. It did give me a degree. Laminated. Kind of tacky. It would help me get a job (so I think) and of course it could hold some street food (on account of it being laminated). Pity I couldn't make a paper aeroplane out of it.
So here I was. Sarcastic, cynical and rude. The perfect mix to face the world out there.
I was looking at what to do next. I could run the computer shop. But, that would mean me dealing with computer illiterates who would pester me everyday and ask me if the computer has the capacity to show all the porn they want. (Sigh). That or how to shop online. And not to mention, I would be drained by the end of it - what with my sarcastic interventions. So, I thought what now? What can I do with my particular skill set? Well only one thing - management. I decided to find out where I would fit in by playing the field...
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So here I was. Fresh out of college. Rose tinted glasses and deep red cheeks.
Note to self - change to lens and start using sun screen. Add to that making a resume.
Hmmm. I do have two pages of personal details, academics and extra curricular. What more can I add? How do I fluff up my resume? Do I dare forgo my ethics and principles ( what little I have of it) and make a five page resume that makes HR related people have wet dreams? The kind of dreams that are shattered ever so easily? Well I figure that resumes are like door bells. It kind of guarantees someone taking a look at you - even if it be through a peep hole. If I can get them to take a look at me - I guess I can talk my way in ( the door metaphor stopped in the last sentence).
So Fluffy the HR attracter ( my resume ) made its round on the internet like a b-grade starlet showing her cleavage. People gawked at it and downloaded it. I bet they saw it many times - even though they claim they watched it once and thrashed it because it was bad. I got a lot of calls because of Fluffy and like I said - getting people to notice you is the toughest part.
The calls came in day and night. The night ones were mostly wrong numbers and friends trying to help me out - but you get the point. Most of the calls were from recruiters trying to get me to join somewhere so they can earn their commissions. Mostly placement agencies. I swear, some of them literally had their knees buckle when they heard me speak. I guess if you can speak well you can do almost anything. This of course does not apply to anything technical. Technical skills involve knowledge and numbers. It is difficult to discredit knowledge and numbers. Sure you can argue and prove your point, but it is tedious. And rarely worth the trouble.
Most of my interviews were with life insurance companies. They wanted "dynamic, smart, unscrupulous youngsters who had a network of naive housewives" to sell policies. I thought rather than decide beforehand that the job sucked, I should gather proof and document why said job sucked.
I scheduled an interview with one such company as a favour to a dear friend...
I arrived at the office - which to my irritation was in one end of town. That would mean a commute and I am not so found of commuting. The official reason is I am environment conscious. Unofficially I suffer from incurable road rage. Lets just say that when I am on the road a rare type of birdie can be seen.Often.
I met the manager who was to take the interview. Immediately I disliked him. Maybe it was the office (which was more to do with death than life). And the manager seemed zombie-ish.
And so my interview began...
Good Morning!
Good Morning....Sir!
Really impressive resume son. How much of it is true?
Enough to get me an interview (wry smile)
(Laughs) Must say most of you kids would defend your resume and credentials.
Well I am not most kids (cringing at his bad teeth)
So what did the HR tell you?
Well I was basically briefed on what the job is all about. But, I would like to hear it from the Lion's mouth (a really old lion with bad teeth from chewing too much on a baboon's ass)
Well basically we want you to sell life insurance policies. You need to recruit your own team and build your own network.
So basically you want me to do all the work while the company makes huge amounts of money by investing customer's life insurance premiums?
Well...I wouldnt put it like that - but yes.
So you would be managing me?
Yes.
How did you get to where you are now?
I sold a lot of policies and worked my way up.
And how many times did you lie?
Almost al...hey I am to ask the questions!
I dont think this the job for me.
Why not?
For one - I dont like to lie to people.
You dont need to lie, you...
Which life insurance policy do you have?
(Rival company)
Why dont you have a policy from here?
Ummm...
My guess is the office doesnt want its employees to have policies here because this place is not fit for rats. I wouldnt be suprised that some punk thought it would be fun to make people prone to illness in the hope that they pass on and their policy is honored by some of their rivals. Business after all.
I dont like where this is going...
This is going nowhere. I knew that, the moment I saw the office (smiling). I am glad I had the forsight to get some injections to protect me from most strains of the plague. Though I doubt there would be plague here considering rats wouldnt even look at this place.
That is enough (bangs table). Do you want the job or not?
(Shocked) Well yes. If you give me your job and not your responsibilites.
Ok thats it. The interview is over.
Cool. Want to join me for a smoke?
Sure.
(Outside - smoking)
That was one helluva interview.
Thank you, Sir.
I must say I had a lot of fun. What do you actually want to do?
Not decided yet. I want to be paid for something I like doing. But the bitch of it is that the moment that happens, I wont like doing it anymore. Pardon my french.
Well you are one intelligent bastard. Why dont you become a lawyer? Of course that would mean you would need to carry a firearm. But still.
Fire arm?
Well you would be making a lot of enemies (smiles). I think you should get into consulting.
Consulting. Me?
You read Dilbert?
(I nod my head)
Dogbert once said - I like to con people, I like to insult people. I like to consult. All you need to do is con people who are evil and insult people who are morons. Should be a piece of cake.
You think so?
I know so. Here take this card. My friend needs someone to help him out. That should get you started. He is into consulting.
Thanks a lot. And sorry about the interview...
Dont worry about it. I was supposed to interview one candidate per day. Today was more like a holiday.
Well anyways, I gotta go. Long commute ahead.
Sure, stay in touch and good luck.
Sure thing. And one more thing - please do something about your teeth.
(He smiles, I cringe)
Once a puddi packer, always a puddi packer...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Puddi packer - someone who chews tobacco.
And did I mention that the guy who took my interview, was my mentor?
As for my roommate (pay attention, for this is new information - the kind that makes you go really?) - fatherhood taught him a lesson. Even though the child wasn't his, nor did the girl he slept with stick around, guess things were put into perspective for him. He got himself neutered ( snipped would be a better word for the dog that he was...) and got a job as a bartender. Good enough, I say! At least he is doing something I approve of - staying out of my way!
I finished my course. What did it teach me? Nothing I didn't already know. It did give me a degree. Laminated. Kind of tacky. It would help me get a job (so I think) and of course it could hold some street food (on account of it being laminated). Pity I couldn't make a paper aeroplane out of it.
So here I was. Sarcastic, cynical and rude. The perfect mix to face the world out there.
I was looking at what to do next. I could run the computer shop. But, that would mean me dealing with computer illiterates who would pester me everyday and ask me if the computer has the capacity to show all the porn they want. (Sigh). That or how to shop online. And not to mention, I would be drained by the end of it - what with my sarcastic interventions. So, I thought what now? What can I do with my particular skill set? Well only one thing - management. I decided to find out where I would fit in by playing the field...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So here I was. Fresh out of college. Rose tinted glasses and deep red cheeks.
Note to self - change to lens and start using sun screen. Add to that making a resume.
Hmmm. I do have two pages of personal details, academics and extra curricular. What more can I add? How do I fluff up my resume? Do I dare forgo my ethics and principles ( what little I have of it) and make a five page resume that makes HR related people have wet dreams? The kind of dreams that are shattered ever so easily? Well I figure that resumes are like door bells. It kind of guarantees someone taking a look at you - even if it be through a peep hole. If I can get them to take a look at me - I guess I can talk my way in ( the door metaphor stopped in the last sentence).
So Fluffy the HR attracter ( my resume ) made its round on the internet like a b-grade starlet showing her cleavage. People gawked at it and downloaded it. I bet they saw it many times - even though they claim they watched it once and thrashed it because it was bad. I got a lot of calls because of Fluffy and like I said - getting people to notice you is the toughest part.
The calls came in day and night. The night ones were mostly wrong numbers and friends trying to help me out - but you get the point. Most of the calls were from recruiters trying to get me to join somewhere so they can earn their commissions. Mostly placement agencies. I swear, some of them literally had their knees buckle when they heard me speak. I guess if you can speak well you can do almost anything. This of course does not apply to anything technical. Technical skills involve knowledge and numbers. It is difficult to discredit knowledge and numbers. Sure you can argue and prove your point, but it is tedious. And rarely worth the trouble.
Most of my interviews were with life insurance companies. They wanted "dynamic, smart, unscrupulous youngsters who had a network of naive housewives" to sell policies. I thought rather than decide beforehand that the job sucked, I should gather proof and document why said job sucked.
I scheduled an interview with one such company as a favour to a dear friend...
I arrived at the office - which to my irritation was in one end of town. That would mean a commute and I am not so found of commuting. The official reason is I am environment conscious. Unofficially I suffer from incurable road rage. Lets just say that when I am on the road a rare type of birdie can be seen.Often.
I met the manager who was to take the interview. Immediately I disliked him. Maybe it was the office (which was more to do with death than life). And the manager seemed zombie-ish.
And so my interview began...
Good Morning!
Good Morning....Sir!
Really impressive resume son. How much of it is true?
Enough to get me an interview (wry smile)
(Laughs) Must say most of you kids would defend your resume and credentials.
Well I am not most kids (cringing at his bad teeth)
So what did the HR tell you?
Well I was basically briefed on what the job is all about. But, I would like to hear it from the Lion's mouth (a really old lion with bad teeth from chewing too much on a baboon's ass)
Well basically we want you to sell life insurance policies. You need to recruit your own team and build your own network.
So basically you want me to do all the work while the company makes huge amounts of money by investing customer's life insurance premiums?
Well...I wouldnt put it like that - but yes.
So you would be managing me?
Yes.
How did you get to where you are now?
I sold a lot of policies and worked my way up.
And how many times did you lie?
Almost al...hey I am to ask the questions!
I dont think this the job for me.
Why not?
For one - I dont like to lie to people.
You dont need to lie, you...
Which life insurance policy do you have?
(Rival company)
Why dont you have a policy from here?
Ummm...
My guess is the office doesnt want its employees to have policies here because this place is not fit for rats. I wouldnt be suprised that some punk thought it would be fun to make people prone to illness in the hope that they pass on and their policy is honored by some of their rivals. Business after all.
I dont like where this is going...
This is going nowhere. I knew that, the moment I saw the office (smiling). I am glad I had the forsight to get some injections to protect me from most strains of the plague. Though I doubt there would be plague here considering rats wouldnt even look at this place.
That is enough (bangs table). Do you want the job or not?
(Shocked) Well yes. If you give me your job and not your responsibilites.
Ok thats it. The interview is over.
Cool. Want to join me for a smoke?
Sure.
(Outside - smoking)
That was one helluva interview.
Thank you, Sir.
I must say I had a lot of fun. What do you actually want to do?
Not decided yet. I want to be paid for something I like doing. But the bitch of it is that the moment that happens, I wont like doing it anymore. Pardon my french.
Well you are one intelligent bastard. Why dont you become a lawyer? Of course that would mean you would need to carry a firearm. But still.
Fire arm?
Well you would be making a lot of enemies (smiles). I think you should get into consulting.
Consulting. Me?
You read Dilbert?
(I nod my head)
Dogbert once said - I like to con people, I like to insult people. I like to consult. All you need to do is con people who are evil and insult people who are morons. Should be a piece of cake.
You think so?
I know so. Here take this card. My friend needs someone to help him out. That should get you started. He is into consulting.
Thanks a lot. And sorry about the interview...
Dont worry about it. I was supposed to interview one candidate per day. Today was more like a holiday.
Well anyways, I gotta go. Long commute ahead.
Sure, stay in touch and good luck.
Sure thing. And one more thing - please do something about your teeth.
(He smiles, I cringe)
Once a puddi packer, always a puddi packer...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Puddi packer - someone who chews tobacco.
And did I mention that the guy who took my interview, was my mentor?
